You would think that buying a stamp for a card or postcard, even in a foreign country, really shouldn’t be that big a deal. But in Colombia, I kept getting blank looks when I asked about where I could buy a stamp to send a birthday card to my friend Sally in England, so I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that easy…

The favourite answer for a Colombian to give someone who asks for something they don’t have, is simply “no hay” or “no tengo”, which basically means – “there aren’t any,’ or “we don’t have any”. Having got that reply at a couple of likely places, I was directed by a friendly policeman to the Servientrega, supposedly the post office equivalent, in Guatapé and waited patiently while at least 283 old ladies drew their pension, made out a Will or recounted their life story, then I asked the same question of the girl behind the counter.

The conversation, in Spanish, went like this:

Me: Can I buy a stamp to send this card to England please”

Her: Shake of the head and “No hay”

Me: Is this the post office?

Her: Yes

Me: But you don’t sell stamps?

Her: No

Me: Where can I buy a stamp then?

Her: Shrug

I gave up then and thought I’d buy a stamp when I got to Medellin airport the next day. Same story there.

No problem, I thought, I’ll buy one when we get to Cartagena. Looked up on line where the nearest Servientrega was and walked 6 blocks there in 100 degrees and 90% humidity, joined the long queue and waited my turn, this time armed with the actual birthday card in my hand, address on the front, return address on the back. Bound to get one this time.

Finally it was my turn so I handed the envelope to the girl behind the counter and asked in my best Spanish if I could have a stamp for England. She turned the envelope over and over three times, an expression of complete bewilderment on her face, and then said

“What is it?”

“It’s a birthday card”

“Can I open it?”

“NO! It’s not your birthday!” (Good grief!)

Time to launch into my Academy-Award-winning role play. I pointed at the corner of the card where the stamp should be, drew the shape of the stamp, imitated licking it, sticking it on the envelope and someone posting it through a slot. Another shrug. For God’s sake, don’t these people ever play Charades?

After saying a few choice words under my breath, one of which may have rhymed with ‘duck’, I left and was at the point of giving up when I spotted a DHL courier office. Even better, the girl in there spoke English – hooray! When I asked what I needed she explained that they don’t sell stamps in Colombia for overseas cards or letters because they know that it would take at least a month to get there, or quite possibly wouldn’t get there at all. You can buy postcards if you look hard enough, but you just have no way of sending them.

“How much would it cost to send this card by courier then?” I asked. She weighed and measured it carefully and told me it would be $43 U.S.

I declined.

Went back to the hotel, ripped open the envelope none too gently, took photos of the card inside and out and emailed it to Sally. Why the hell didn’t I just do that in the first place?